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Far Too Easily Pleased: The Hypocrisy our Society has Created over Sexual Assult

1/30/2018

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The double standard we’ve created in our society is like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, either rim, and looking to the other side. The harrowing death that awaits a fall from either foothold is the noose around our neck that’s been created in the wake of the #MeToo movement and grossly all-too-common reports of sexual abuse.

These causes are right and fair. These women need to be heard and the monsters that harassed them dealt with. But on that side of the canyon, one can see from the other side a world where this type of behavior is seemingly acceptable — though not based in reality.

The problem lies in what C.S. Lewis would label as our penchant, as human beings, to be far too easily entertained. Lewis takes his cues from the Christian worldview, and whether Christian or not, the truth of what he says spans the vast expanse of all humanity. This is not a theological or religious discourse, it is simply a humanitarian undertaking. Though spoken with a spiritual undertones, the words of Lewis ring very true in our current cultural paradigm.

Here’s his quote,

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

In light of the recent sexual abuse scandal that occurred at Michigan State University, and among the barrage of victims in Hollywood that have recently found their voice to speak out against their terrorizers, it seems as though we have a cultural pandemic.

But have we been conditioned to be this way?

This is not meant to excuse the behavior of these horrible people; monsters that devalue the humanity of someone else for their own pleasure, but a simple question. Does our entertainment, ironically produced in the place that is the main source of these #MeToo issues, create for us a hypocritical approach to sexual abuse.

Again I ask you to envision the Grand Canyon.

On one side of the canyon are the horrific and dehumanizing acts of these men that have violated their countless victims. On the opposite side are Hollywood productions of shows that almost celebrate characters that are nothing more than one-and-done womanizers.
Now, it must be stated from the outset that I have found enjoyment in some of these shows too, but, at the same time, have also been uncomfortable with the outpouring of sexual abuse in our culture.

But maybe that’s the problem. I am the hypocrisy.

I am not trying to take the the moral high ground here and point fingers at society, while forgetting that I am a part of the problem. I love shows like How I Met Your Mother, Mad Men, and Friends. And, I will even continue to laugh at the characters on those shows that are intended for comedic purposes. But there must be some kind of correlation between the entertainment we partake in and the calloused nature we’ve approached sex with.

Take for instance, Barney Stinson — the King Player of New York City — on the show How I Met Your Mother. His entire character is built around the idea of casual and non-consequential sex. We laugh at his jokes, because they are funny — and because Neil Patrick Harris’ delivery is perfect — but, why do we celebrate his actions?

Have we become far too easily entertained?

I am not saying we should boycott shows that promote such a calloused sexual message, but what I am saying is maybe we shouldn’t be so surprised when it actually starts to jump from our television screens and “alternate realities” into the forefront of our true realities and culture.
We celebrate playboys, look nonchalantly toward one night stands — because we’re simply sowing our wild oats — but yet, wonder how anyone could act or do what these terrible men have done. By oversexualizing our culture we have become a walking hypocrisy.
The fix is in a changed mindset — and it starts with the men in society.

Recently, the Wall Street Journal wrote an article about the lack of gentlemen in our society. Maybe this is where our issue starts. And, I might argue that our lack of gentlemen stems from a lack of simply good men. And, now raising a young boy in this world, this concerns me the most.

Being a good man is simply about respect. Respect for yourself, respect for your culture, but also, respect for your fellow man — especially women.

“A gentleman is good to women because he has his own dignity and sees theirs.”

Gone are the days where the notches on your bedpost count. Who cares about notches on a bedpost when your name has been dragged through the mud, your reputation sullied, and your life ripped to shreds because your actions were less than honorable.

Honor and respect should be the name of the game that any gentleman plays, because it is about the humanity of the other person and the value they bring to a given situation, rather than their performance in the bedroom, that matters most of all. And this should also be true of the entertainment we partake in or produce.
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It is time we take up for these victims and do our best to help them heal, as a society. But it is also on us, as that society, to stop celebrating the “little boys” who can’t keep it in their pants; truly celebrating the best of the men among us. “Where have all the good men gone?”, the old questions asks. They’re still around, just being overshadowed by the ridiculous lifestyles of the little boys — who live louder and flashier (which makes for good social media posts) than most — who are constantly acting like they have something to prove. Something, a gentleman never has to do.

It is time we raise our standards for entertainment and social decorum. Because if we continue to feed the beast of hypocrisy, epidemics will continue to flourish. The standard must be raised and it must be raised by all of us. For what a sad epitaph will be written for this society that all that can be said about us is that we were “far too easily pleased”.
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Why I Write

12/8/2017

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I can remember that night vividly. I was sitting at my now deceased grandparent’s kitchen table in Springfield, Missouri, at about two in the morning. It was quiet, my grandparents — if I remember correctly — were out of town, and I was house-sitting; my younger brother Jordan was in visiting from the University of Michigan. Why was I up so late on a Thursday? It was the night before “sudden death” — my college’s way of extending grace to the slackers, allowing us to turn our assignments in before the semester ended. And, not being the most dedicated student at the time, I was taking full advantage of that.

I was, among many other things, tasked with writing my own chapter of, or scene of — I’m not entirely sure — The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. After placing my last period on my work, I remember a certain feeling bubbling up inside of me: I had just created something (for the first time) that hadn’t existed before. It was a feeling I hadn’t experienced since the first home run I hit as a Little Leaguer, and I wanted more of it. However, I just didn’t know it at the time.

​Fast forward six years. In the time between that night in 2008 and 2014, both of my grandparents passed away, I moved back to Michigan to work my first career at my father’s church, and dabbled in writing. Most of that writing, however, was done in the form of theological essays or responses to matters taking place in and around the church; but none of it as a creative outlet to satisfy the hunger I’d created that night around the kitchen table. When I attended my Grandfather’s funeral in 2014, the fires of passion I didn’t even know were burning, started to fan into flames.

The Kindling -- 
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I consider myself to be a pretty simple man. I don’t need extravagance to be happy. Hell, I’d wear the same thing every day just to not have to make a choice. But, don’t mistake “simple” for “unmotivated.” When I set my mind to something, I like to see it through to completion. In the weeks after my grandfather’s funeral, and having the privilege of talking to his older brother, I woke up one morning and told my wife, “I want to write a book.” I grabbed my tools of the trade: a cigar, my legal pad, and my coffee and wrote, “Hello. I’m Raymond…” and thus The Askren Boys was born; it will be published September 1st of 2018.

After I wrote the first chapter I showed it to a few trusted people and told them, “Let me know what you think, even if it’s terrible, I won’t be upset. Don’t sugarcoat it, please.” I’ll never forget what one of them said to me, “Usually I’ll read something and think this person shouldn’t continue. But, I’ll say this, I never once thought that and am intrigued to read more.” That was the push I needed. So I kept writing.

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Fueling the Fire —    

Then, on my birthday 2015, I woke up for church and grabbed my cell phone off the night stand. For some reason I hopped on Twitter and started to scroll through the timeline. I saw a paid ad for Waldorf Publishing calling for co-authors who could assist to write books to be published. Let me say this now: I never take chances. I’m pretty calculated in my decision making and am insecure enough to not just put myself out there. But for some reason on this day, I was grabbing the bull by the horns. 

I drafted an email to the address listed on the ad and explained that I’d just started in the writing “game,” that I have my own blog (it was called Stories and Stogies at the time) and that I would be more than willing to get my feet wet. I pressed “send” and then headed off to church. In the middle of service I got an email back saying they liked what they saw on my website and to give them a call. Nine days later I had my first publishing contract, working with a gentleman named Butch Rutt to help write his book High School Dropout: Stories of a Navy Pilot. 

After a few months of working with Butch the owner of Waldorf called me and said, “I have the perfect guy I want you to work with. He’s from Detroit, just like you, and I think you guys will be perfect.” His name was Jon Dwoskin, and by April of 2016 I had my second book, The Think Big Movement: Grow Your Business Big. Very Big. Mind you, I had a full time job as a history teacher, was coaching three sports, working a once weekly cigar shop job, and had a newly minted marriage. But sometimes you can’t help but get wrapped up in things you love. With two books under way, I was no longer “getting my feet wet” in the writing game, I had jumped in the deep end with no life preserver. It was sink or swim, and I refused to sink. 

As I was working on those two projects, fate intervened, again. Sitting at the cigar shop one day, and of course wearing my Detroit Tigers hat, a couple walked in and the guy told me he actually wrote for a sports blog that covered the Tigers. I told him that would be the dream and he told me to apply. So I did and quickly became a regular contributor on Detroit Sports Nation. I was teaching school during the day and writing at least 1,000 words a night, it was a great and exciting time. 

On a trip home to Detroit I received another call from the owner of Waldorf Publishing. She told me that another co-writer had gone MIA and that she needed me to pick up a third contract. I told her I would do it on two conditions: first, I could not start this project until one of the others was done. And, second, if I was going to be taking on another project, I’d like her to listen to a pitch for one of my own books. While I was having fun getting to know the guys I was working with and thoroughly enjoying the writing aspect, I knew that I didn’t always want to write someone else’s book—I wanted to write my own. She obliged on both, and within a month I had two more contracts: one for Damaged Wings and the other on The Askren Boys -- my novel.

​This wouldn’t be the last time she’d need to me to help her out either, and by the time the ball dropped and 2017 rolled in I had four book projects for Waldorf Publishing, Fighting Monsters: SWAT Life being the fourth, and my own novel releasing the following year. To say that I was going full steam ahead would be the most grotesque understatement ever.


I literally did not sleep during the month of February 2017; teaching all day, coaching basketball, then working on the last two projects (they were due by the end of February) until about two or three in the morning. It was a whirlwind but it was one hell of a ride. I finished all four projects on time, hit my word count goals (a total of nearly 250,000 words) and then began work on my novel. By July 31, 2017 I put the last period on the first draft of The Askren Boys, completing a five book barrage and introduction to the writing profession. 
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The Fires of Passion — 

Why? That’s a question that I do get pretty often. “Why would you do that to yourself?” they’ll ask. Well, to be honest, because I wanted to. I have found something that I love to do and I’m chasing it ferociously like a lion chases a gazelle. 
    
When I was growing up my passion was sports. I still love them, but at 30-something years old, I no longer play them. Regardless of how old I get, I’ll never lose the passion and drive that fueled me as a student-athlete. I’ve found a way to challenge myself, compete against myself, and enjoy what I’m doing. 
    
I write, quite simply, because there’s nothing else I can do to satisfy the hunger and drive I feel within myself. 

I write because it allows me to create something that has never existed until I start typing. 

I write because it allows me to think and express my voice. 

I write because the fires of passion burn within me to chase something bigger than myself. 

Just like the prophet Jeremiah who said, “If I say, ‘I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,’ there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.”

Sure, my message isn’t eternity altering, but like Jeremiah, I cannot keep it in any longer. I write because, well, it burns within my bones to do so. I have goals and dreams that have only begun to be realized, and until they are — I’ll keep chasing them. 

That’s why I started my website, so I can share the journey with you. I want to share the process, the ups and the down, the victories and the defeats, because I believe that together people can go farther than they ever could individually. 

So join me for the journey — I guarantee it’ll be a fun ride. 
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